"So then Ron tells me that Linda from his Quidditch team is actually a closeted -"

"Hermione?"

"Cedric!" I once heard an American teenager say something akin to 'bros before ho's.' Hermione has obviously not heard of this. Yes, go run to your boyfriend and leave your best friend sitting here awkwardly at the dinner table. I wonder if she knows that I can hear her when she whispers, "I told you to come at eleven."

"All this secrecy and a private, home cooked dinner for two. Should I be worried?" He teases with a smile. I think I may have just vomit in my mouth a bit at the (spiritually) incestuous mental image.

'There are few things I despise more than being interrupted in the middle of a story. Granted, I'm not sure how Hermione would react, but Diggory has the worst timing when it comes to apparating- wait, how did he get in past the wards? "You hold on one minute there, Cedric Diggory. How did you get in here?" It's not safe for Hermione to have a man come and go freely in her flat.

"I crashed through the window on my broom, Potter. You were too busy making moves on my girlfriend to notice." I never did like his sense of humor.

"Oh Harry." I give her a look that hopefully conveys my message of 'don't-you-"oh-harry"-me.' "Cedric can apparate in and out as he pleases. That way, when I leave for work early in the morning, he can see himself out."

"In the mor- you mean spend the night? He spends the night?!" I know I'm yelling, but... he spends the night?! They look at me with identical amused expressions that are apparently reserved for disgustingly talented and gifted beings. "But what do you- It's a one bedroom flat! There's just one bedroom! And there's just one bed in that one bedroom!" I need a breather. "H-he spends the-" Calm yourself, Harry. Just calm - He spends the night?!?! "But 'Mione... there just... one bed..." I know I sound pathetic now but... what?

"Harry, you do know that we're-"

"Dating! You were going to say dating!" She had better been saying dating. "I know, holding hands and all that." Right, safe mental image. Holding hands, maybe sharing an ice cream. Dating, Harry. They're dating.

"I think what she meant to say is that we've made-"

"Pancakes! For brunch! You have made pancakes for brunch! Got it!"

I am really getting sick of that stupid amused expression. Smug bastar- "Yes, Harry. We made pancakes for brunch. Of course that's what I'm trying to say." Forget calling him smug bastard. I'm about take a swing at him. I recognize sarcasm when I hear it. Voldemort used it all the time. I give him a little snarl. "Your guard dog has teeth, darling."

Hermione gives him a light whack on his chest. Good for you! "Harry, I'm an adult now and if I choose to... explore." Oh dear God, I think I'm going to be sick. "I will do so."

"B-but he can't just apparate in here as he pleases!" No, redirect your anger, Harry. Diggory is the penetra... perpetrator! Perpetrator! I use my index finger to help redirect my attention. "You! You're going to make my best friend look like a slag just popping in and out of here like this!"

He looks confused for a second. I always knew he was a bit slow. "Wouldn't she seem more like a slag if people actually see me walking in her door at night and leaving in the morning?" Now I remember why he was Head Boy.

"You are just a sneaky little- The bottom line is you cannot just do that! Everyone will think Hermione is a slag if they knew!"

"Well, if Hermione were a slag-"

"HEY!" We both look over. The subject of our debate now look absolutely red with rage. "I am not a slag! Stop throwing that term around!"  When did she get her wand out? "Harry, you are going to leave now, take your dinner with you and you're not going to come back until you figure out what an overbearing, misogynistic, old-fashioned, dictator macho-idiot you're being!" I try to hide the fact that I didn't know what half those words mean, but I'm distracted by Diggory's smug expression.

"And you!" Ah, there it is. She turns her wand at him and his face is priceless. "I don't even- just get out, both of you!"

"But I had the whole evening planned-"

"Don't you want to hear about Linda-"

"OUT!" She manages somehow to hex us both (perhaps this is why she was so incredibly powerful on the battlefield).  She must have gotten that hex from Hagrid because I know for a fact that I was not born with a curly tale, a snout, and a pair of floppy pink ears. Haha, Hermione.

"You know what this means-"

"Yea, men are pigs." And snout-to-snout, Diggory and I looked at each other.

The brotherhood was formed.